Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.
Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.
1 Corinthians 9:24-25
Paul was committed to spiritual growth, and made it his top priority. He encouraged other believers to run the race like one who wants to win...in other words, give it ALL you have. The best part of you, the freshest part of your day. Sometimes that's hard to imagine doing that while raising kids, managing homes, being wives...but God knows our reality. If we make an effort to begin on the right track toward having time with Him, He will make a way!
Exercise daily in God—no spiritual flabbiness, please! Workouts in the gymnasium are useful, but a disciplined life in God is far more so, making you fit both today and forever. You can count on this. Take it to heart.
1 Timothy 4:7-8 msg
Discipline...is that a hard word for you? It's amazing how freeing discipline is in our children's lives. Have you ever struggled with a certain issue with your child, gone on for days or even weeks, struggling with the same thing? Then, you realize you're not enforcing discipline enough for them. For my oldest, Sophie, charts are such a helpful tool. She might still struggle with the issue for a little time, but the discipline of the chart and the reward of seeing her own success bring dramatic change! She is set free by the discipline to do the right thing, and in turn, she feels good about herself. It might be easier to see in our children, but the same principle applies to us! Enforcing discipline might feel painful at first, but in time, it's freeing and rewarding! God has designed us to be in relationship with Him.
I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running and I'm not turning back.
So let's keep focused on that goal – those of us who want everything God has for us. If any of you have something else in mind, something less than total commitment, God will clear your blurred vision—you'll see it yet! Now that we're on the right track, let's stay on it.
Philippians 3:12-16 msg
Prepare
Do Paul's words encourage you? Do you feel challenged to start running the race like you want to win? How can you have your "eye on the goal" throughout each day? Has God ever "cleared your blurred vision" to help you see His goal for you?
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Making Goals Stick
Article by Joan Esherick...edited by me.
Try these six steps for setting goals more effectively:
1) Be specific. In my work as a teacher coordinator, I meet
with Bible study teachers to help them set personal and
ministry goals. At one such meeting, a teacher mentioned her
personal goal for the year was to “grow in Bible knowledge.”
While her desire was admirable, I had to ask a number of
questions: “How will you know when you’ve grown?” “What
does growth in Bible knowledge look like?” “What steps will
you take to foster this growth?” Her goal needed to be more
specific.
As I worked with this teacher, we were able to revise her
goal from the vague—“I’ll grow in Bible knowledge”—to the
specific—“I’ll spend 30 minutes a day in personal Bible study,
5 days a week.” Her goal now expressed not only her desire,
but the means to accomplish it.
2) Be realistic. During my college years I wanted to pray
more. So I decided to rise every morning at 5 A.M. and pray
for an hour before breakfast. But I also worked as the closing
cook for Pizza Hut at that time, and rarely made it back to my
dorm room before 2 A.M. How long did my prayer endeavor
last? About two days. And in those two days I spent more
time sleeping than praying.
In a recent interview, I spoke with Christian counselor
Leslie Vernick who said, “If our goals begin to overwhelm us
perhaps that is a sign we are not living within the limits
and boundaries. God has created for us. We are human beings.
We all need to eat, sleep, and relax. Yet, at times we push
ourselves in [ways] that [ignore] these realities at least
temporarily. Then, when we can’t do it anymore we give up.
Instead, we should reassess our goal. Perhaps it was totally
unrealistic.”
My goal of early morning prayer was unrealistic in light of
my work schedule, my class schedule, and my need for sleep.
When I realized that, I replaced my original goal with a plan
more suited to my schedule: I’d pray during my 15-minute
breaks between afternoon classes 3 days a week. During my
afternoon break I sat on a park bench near my classrooms
and prayed. Unlike my first attempt, this three-afternoons-aweek
prayer endeavor lasted the entire semester. My prayer
life grew because my goal was realistic.
3) Include a way to measure your success. A good goal
will answer the questions of what, how, and when; it’s
measurable. Jean, a working wife and mother, decided to simplify her
life by getting rid of the excess clutter she and her family
had accumulated over the years. In January, she set the goal
to clean out one drawer, cupboard, or closet each week. It
was a specific, realistic, measurable goal; at the end of each
week either she’d cleaned out something or she hadn’t. She
had a means to track her progress.
By April, Jean was still going strong on her “decluttering”
routine. She explains, “The sense of accomplishment I
felt as I measured my weekly progress kept me motivated
to start the next week’s clean-up. Today, my house feels
less cluttered, and my life seems simpler because I tackle
overwhelming tasks by breaking them into smaller jobs and
keeping track of my progress.”
4) Think short-term and long-term. Short-term goals
(cleaning one closet a week) allow us to experience success
at smaller intervals while working toward long-term goals
(decluttering an entire house).
Sally was overwhelmed by the accumulating debt she and
her husband were facing, so they met with a financial
advisor who counseled them to develop both short-term and
long-term financial objectives by using weekly, monthly,
and yearly goals. “I never thought I’d like being on a
budget,” Sally recalls. “But it was freeing. When I looked
at our debt as a whole, it was too big to deal with, but by
working on it in smaller bites, it seemed okay.” After three
years of sticking to their short- and long-term goals, Sally
and her husband are now debt free.
Finances and organizing things aren’t the only areas in
which to set short- and long-term goals. You can use them
in virtually any area of life: education, child-rearing, family
life, athletics, community service, church service, personal
and spiritual growth, marriage.
When our three children were small, my husband, Don,
and I discovered how easily parenting could cause us to
grow apart. We decided to guard the health of our marriage
by setting the following goals: We’ll go out on a date once
a month; we’ll go away together without the kids for one
overnight per year; every five years we’ll attend a marriage
seminar. Over the years, Don and I stuck to our goals, and
today, as parents of three teens, we’re still best friends.
The short-term and long-term worked together to build and
maintain a healthy marriage.
5) Be flexible. Linda, who’s self-employed,
recently faced this challenge: “I’m trying to expand my home
business, so I set some fairly aggressive goals. Little did
I know my family would become victims of the flu. Now, healthy
once again, I’m struggling to make up for lost time. I hope to
get back on track, but I never considered that life might get
in the way.”
Life can, indeed, get in the way. Two years ago, I planned
to jog 500 miles over the course of a year. That worked out
to be 2 miles a day, 5 days per week, 50 weeks out of the
year. It was a specific, realistic, measurable, short-term
and long-term goal. I was well on my way to achieving that
goal when I hurt my knee. Did I quit? No. I wanted to stay in
shape, so I learned to be content walking. I had to become
flexible, which allowed me to stay on course, and ultimately
contributed to my healing; walking gave my injured knee a
chance to recover. After my knee healed, I started running
again.
6) Review periodically. Regular review allows
us to stay on course, track our progress, and adjust course as
necessary. Each year I record my goals in my datebook/planner so
they’re accessible wherever I go. In a section marked
“goals,” I list specific objectives by category: personal/
spiritual; marriage/family; professional; ministry; house/
projects. Then I set aside one Sunday every three months for
reviewing my goals. On those “review dates,” I check off the
items I’ve accomplished. (What satisfaction!) Next, I look at
what remains, and prayerfully ask the following questions:
• How am I doing? Am I still on course?
• Which goals am I encouraged about?
• Which are frustrating me? Can I be more flexible?
• Have circumstances changed since I set this goal?
• Is my goal realistic? Specific? Measurable?
• If not, what could I change to make it more so?
• Is this the right season of life to work on this?
• Have I prayed about this goal?
Based on my answers, I make any necessary changes,
sometimes crossing off objectives that are too ambitious
or impossible to fulfill because of changing circumstances.
I finish my review time by prayerfully committing my
remaining goals to God. Regular review helps me not only
to stay on track, but to guard against over-commitment and
burnout.
Goal setting helps you realize objectives are simply tools,
not promises or laws, and tools are something we can implement
anytime. As counselor Leslie Vernick says, “Don’t let falling
off track keep you from your goals. Dust yourself off and get
right back on track.” Leave yesterday’s failures behind, and
treat today as a brand-new beginning. You’ll be glad you did.
Prepare
Create a rough draft of one of your spiritual growth goals.
Make sure your goal is specific, realistic, and measurable.
If you want to share it with everyone, post it in the comment section!
Try these six steps for setting goals more effectively:
1) Be specific. In my work as a teacher coordinator, I meet
with Bible study teachers to help them set personal and
ministry goals. At one such meeting, a teacher mentioned her
personal goal for the year was to “grow in Bible knowledge.”
While her desire was admirable, I had to ask a number of
questions: “How will you know when you’ve grown?” “What
does growth in Bible knowledge look like?” “What steps will
you take to foster this growth?” Her goal needed to be more
specific.
As I worked with this teacher, we were able to revise her
goal from the vague—“I’ll grow in Bible knowledge”—to the
specific—“I’ll spend 30 minutes a day in personal Bible study,
5 days a week.” Her goal now expressed not only her desire,
but the means to accomplish it.
2) Be realistic. During my college years I wanted to pray
more. So I decided to rise every morning at 5 A.M. and pray
for an hour before breakfast. But I also worked as the closing
cook for Pizza Hut at that time, and rarely made it back to my
dorm room before 2 A.M. How long did my prayer endeavor
last? About two days. And in those two days I spent more
time sleeping than praying.
In a recent interview, I spoke with Christian counselor
Leslie Vernick who said, “If our goals begin to overwhelm us
perhaps that is a sign we are not living within the limits
and boundaries. God has created for us. We are human beings.
We all need to eat, sleep, and relax. Yet, at times we push
ourselves in [ways] that [ignore] these realities at least
temporarily. Then, when we can’t do it anymore we give up.
Instead, we should reassess our goal. Perhaps it was totally
unrealistic.”
My goal of early morning prayer was unrealistic in light of
my work schedule, my class schedule, and my need for sleep.
When I realized that, I replaced my original goal with a plan
more suited to my schedule: I’d pray during my 15-minute
breaks between afternoon classes 3 days a week. During my
afternoon break I sat on a park bench near my classrooms
and prayed. Unlike my first attempt, this three-afternoons-aweek
prayer endeavor lasted the entire semester. My prayer
life grew because my goal was realistic.
3) Include a way to measure your success. A good goal
will answer the questions of what, how, and when; it’s
measurable. Jean, a working wife and mother, decided to simplify her
life by getting rid of the excess clutter she and her family
had accumulated over the years. In January, she set the goal
to clean out one drawer, cupboard, or closet each week. It
was a specific, realistic, measurable goal; at the end of each
week either she’d cleaned out something or she hadn’t. She
had a means to track her progress.
By April, Jean was still going strong on her “decluttering”
routine. She explains, “The sense of accomplishment I
felt as I measured my weekly progress kept me motivated
to start the next week’s clean-up. Today, my house feels
less cluttered, and my life seems simpler because I tackle
overwhelming tasks by breaking them into smaller jobs and
keeping track of my progress.”
4) Think short-term and long-term. Short-term goals
(cleaning one closet a week) allow us to experience success
at smaller intervals while working toward long-term goals
(decluttering an entire house).
Sally was overwhelmed by the accumulating debt she and
her husband were facing, so they met with a financial
advisor who counseled them to develop both short-term and
long-term financial objectives by using weekly, monthly,
and yearly goals. “I never thought I’d like being on a
budget,” Sally recalls. “But it was freeing. When I looked
at our debt as a whole, it was too big to deal with, but by
working on it in smaller bites, it seemed okay.” After three
years of sticking to their short- and long-term goals, Sally
and her husband are now debt free.
Finances and organizing things aren’t the only areas in
which to set short- and long-term goals. You can use them
in virtually any area of life: education, child-rearing, family
life, athletics, community service, church service, personal
and spiritual growth, marriage.
When our three children were small, my husband, Don,
and I discovered how easily parenting could cause us to
grow apart. We decided to guard the health of our marriage
by setting the following goals: We’ll go out on a date once
a month; we’ll go away together without the kids for one
overnight per year; every five years we’ll attend a marriage
seminar. Over the years, Don and I stuck to our goals, and
today, as parents of three teens, we’re still best friends.
The short-term and long-term worked together to build and
maintain a healthy marriage.
5) Be flexible. Linda, who’s self-employed,
recently faced this challenge: “I’m trying to expand my home
business, so I set some fairly aggressive goals. Little did
I know my family would become victims of the flu. Now, healthy
once again, I’m struggling to make up for lost time. I hope to
get back on track, but I never considered that life might get
in the way.”
Life can, indeed, get in the way. Two years ago, I planned
to jog 500 miles over the course of a year. That worked out
to be 2 miles a day, 5 days per week, 50 weeks out of the
year. It was a specific, realistic, measurable, short-term
and long-term goal. I was well on my way to achieving that
goal when I hurt my knee. Did I quit? No. I wanted to stay in
shape, so I learned to be content walking. I had to become
flexible, which allowed me to stay on course, and ultimately
contributed to my healing; walking gave my injured knee a
chance to recover. After my knee healed, I started running
again.
6) Review periodically. Regular review allows
us to stay on course, track our progress, and adjust course as
necessary. Each year I record my goals in my datebook/planner so
they’re accessible wherever I go. In a section marked
“goals,” I list specific objectives by category: personal/
spiritual; marriage/family; professional; ministry; house/
projects. Then I set aside one Sunday every three months for
reviewing my goals. On those “review dates,” I check off the
items I’ve accomplished. (What satisfaction!) Next, I look at
what remains, and prayerfully ask the following questions:
• How am I doing? Am I still on course?
• Which goals am I encouraged about?
• Which are frustrating me? Can I be more flexible?
• Have circumstances changed since I set this goal?
• Is my goal realistic? Specific? Measurable?
• If not, what could I change to make it more so?
• Is this the right season of life to work on this?
• Have I prayed about this goal?
Based on my answers, I make any necessary changes,
sometimes crossing off objectives that are too ambitious
or impossible to fulfill because of changing circumstances.
I finish my review time by prayerfully committing my
remaining goals to God. Regular review helps me not only
to stay on track, but to guard against over-commitment and
burnout.
Goal setting helps you realize objectives are simply tools,
not promises or laws, and tools are something we can implement
anytime. As counselor Leslie Vernick says, “Don’t let falling
off track keep you from your goals. Dust yourself off and get
right back on track.” Leave yesterday’s failures behind, and
treat today as a brand-new beginning. You’ll be glad you did.
Prepare
Create a rough draft of one of your spiritual growth goals.
Make sure your goal is specific, realistic, and measurable.
If you want to share it with everyone, post it in the comment section!
Friday, February 5, 2010
Getting God’s Help with Stress
by Joyce Meyer
Today it seems like everyone’s stressed.
Yes, it’s true that we’re built to withstand a certain amount of stress, and it can help us to become better problem solvers. But we shouldn’t be so stressed that we can’t handle our day-to-day life.
There’s only so much we can take.
For example, a chair is designed to bear a certain amount of weight. And if it’s used properly, it should last a very long time. But if it consistently bears more weight than it was designed to hold, it will wear out prematurely and eventually break.
You and I were also designed to bear a certain amount of physical, mental and emotional strain. When we take on more than we can handle, we eventually break down.
The Way to Set Limits
A word we don’t hear much about today is prudence. It means “careful management: economy.”
In the Bible, prudence or prudent means “being good stewards or managers of the gifts God has given us to use.” Those gifts include time, energy, strength and health—even material possessions. They include our bodies, as well as our minds and spirits.
Just as each one of us has been given a different set of gifts, each of us has been given different levels of ability to manage those gifts.
We need to know our limits, and prevent ourselves from reaching “full capacity” or “overload.”
Instead of pushing ourselves too hard to please others or reach our own personal goals, we need to listen to God and do what He’s telling us is wise.
We need to learn to put God’s wisdom into practice so we can enjoy our lives.
Your First Step to Beating Stress
Did you know that anything can cause stress? Stressors can be big or little things. In addition, what causes you stress may not bother someone else. And what bothers you today may not bother you tomorrow.
For example, going to the grocery store may be a stressor for you, especially if money is tight. The checker in your lane runs out of change and has to shut down temporarily. You switch to a new lane and learn five of your items don’t have a price on them. The checker has to call for a price check and the line behind you grows.
Small, seemingly innocent circumstances have a way of piling up until you finally explode from the pressure.
Nobody can remove all the big and little things that cause stress in our lives. So we must learn to identify our stressors, study how they affect us, and learn how to respond correctly.
Fine-Tuning Your Approach
The world responds to difficulties by becoming upset and stressed, but our attitude and approach should be entirely different.
When we approach a circumstance already stressed out, we’re setting ourselves up for misery before we begin.
The right approach can completely turn a situation around.
Instead of stressing out and tensing up, calm down, take a deep breath and try to get some perspective on the situation. Refuse to allow your circumstances to dictate how you’re going to feel.
You may not be able to control the situation, but you can control how you respond to it. Take a proactive approach and decide beforehand what your attitude will be.
A right attitude opens the door for God to supernaturally help you.
Today it seems like everyone’s stressed.
Yes, it’s true that we’re built to withstand a certain amount of stress, and it can help us to become better problem solvers. But we shouldn’t be so stressed that we can’t handle our day-to-day life.
There’s only so much we can take.
For example, a chair is designed to bear a certain amount of weight. And if it’s used properly, it should last a very long time. But if it consistently bears more weight than it was designed to hold, it will wear out prematurely and eventually break.
You and I were also designed to bear a certain amount of physical, mental and emotional strain. When we take on more than we can handle, we eventually break down.
The Way to Set Limits
A word we don’t hear much about today is prudence. It means “careful management: economy.”
In the Bible, prudence or prudent means “being good stewards or managers of the gifts God has given us to use.” Those gifts include time, energy, strength and health—even material possessions. They include our bodies, as well as our minds and spirits.
Just as each one of us has been given a different set of gifts, each of us has been given different levels of ability to manage those gifts.
We need to know our limits, and prevent ourselves from reaching “full capacity” or “overload.”
Instead of pushing ourselves too hard to please others or reach our own personal goals, we need to listen to God and do what He’s telling us is wise.
We need to learn to put God’s wisdom into practice so we can enjoy our lives.
Your First Step to Beating Stress
Did you know that anything can cause stress? Stressors can be big or little things. In addition, what causes you stress may not bother someone else. And what bothers you today may not bother you tomorrow.
For example, going to the grocery store may be a stressor for you, especially if money is tight. The checker in your lane runs out of change and has to shut down temporarily. You switch to a new lane and learn five of your items don’t have a price on them. The checker has to call for a price check and the line behind you grows.
Small, seemingly innocent circumstances have a way of piling up until you finally explode from the pressure.
Nobody can remove all the big and little things that cause stress in our lives. So we must learn to identify our stressors, study how they affect us, and learn how to respond correctly.
Fine-Tuning Your Approach
The world responds to difficulties by becoming upset and stressed, but our attitude and approach should be entirely different.
When we approach a circumstance already stressed out, we’re setting ourselves up for misery before we begin.
The right approach can completely turn a situation around.
Instead of stressing out and tensing up, calm down, take a deep breath and try to get some perspective on the situation. Refuse to allow your circumstances to dictate how you’re going to feel.
You may not be able to control the situation, but you can control how you respond to it. Take a proactive approach and decide beforehand what your attitude will be.
A right attitude opens the door for God to supernaturally help you.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Taking a Sharpie to your List
Eliminating goals and other commitments
may be the best thing for you.
By Kelli B. Trujillo
No offense, but I’m crossing your name off my list
with a big black Sharpie.
I’m not crossing you out of my life—just off my list.
It’s not crossing you off because you’re unimportant
or because I don’t care or because I don’t think
you’re cool.
Blackening your name off isn’t easy for me,
but I’ve got to do it.
It’s not you; it’s me.
And I’m not superwoman.
Sorry, but I’ve got to do this . . .
Blackening your name off isn’t easy for me,
but I’ve got to do it.
It’s not you; it’s me.
And I’m not superwoman.
Sorry,but I’ve got to do this...
Screech . . . (Sound of Sharpie on paper.)
This one-sided dialogue was repeated in various forms in my
mind throughout a revolutionary hour I spent with a blue
index card, a pencil, and a big, bad, black Sharpie.
Before that hour, my life looked a bit like this . . .
There were the various groups I was already a part of: a book
club, a ministry group, a home group, a Sunday-school-class
group, and a few various committees peppered in here and
there. Then there were the groups I felt interested in joining
or guilty about not participating in or somewhat pressured to
be a part of: Wednesday morning women’s Bible study, a
mentoring program at church, three more committees and
ministry groups at church, and various parent volunteer
groups at my kids’ schools.
There were also all sorts of various relationships I was trying
to maintain: “outreach” relationships with neighbors,
relatives, friends, international students, and a regular
Jehovah’s Witness door-to-door visitor. Then of course there
were the close friends who live far away in Portland and
Boulder and Istanbul and Grand Rapids and Chicago. Then
there were the Christian friends who are close by, from my
present church, from my old church, from MOPS, from book
club, from here, there, and everywhere. Then of course my
family: my husband, my son, my daughter, my sister, my
brother, my sisters- and brothers-in-law, my nieces, my
parents, my parents-in-law, my aunts and uncles, and my
fabulous 17-year-old cousin. Oh, and there were the people
I’m trying to invest in and encourage, like the newlywed
couple we go on double-dates with, the single mom I’m
encouraging, the new Christian I studied the Bible with at
Starbucks on occasional Friday mornings, the mom-friends
who I swapped parenting advice with and . . . well, trust me,
I could go on and on.
And along with groups and relationships, there were
spiritual growth habits, exercise goals, personal aspirations,
various other neglected hobbies, work commitments, and
household tasks. I felt like Bilbo Baggins when he told
Gandalf, “I feel . . . thin. Sort of stretched, like . . . butter
scraped over too much bread.”
Ignatius of Loyola outlined the spiritual practice of examen or
“examination of conscience” in his Spiritual Exercises written
in 1522-1524. In essence, examen is the habit of help, on your
thoughts and actions during a given period of time and considering
how your life matches up with what God desires for you. Christians
from various traditions throughout the centuries have practiced the
habit of examen in various forms, from formal Ignatian prayers to
John Wesley’s brutal accountability questions to simple private
reflection on the life-giving and death-dealing moments of one’s day.
(You can read John Wesley’s accountability questions in “Do You
Desire to be Told Your Faults?” from www.ChristianityToday.com and
you can also find Ignatius’ description of examen here. )
I knew I needed to assess more than one day. I needed to
look with God at my pattern of living over weeks and
months and years. I knew that rather than living with
purpose, I was aiming for hundreds of targets and missing
most of them. Rather than living richly, I was left spiritually
and emotionally poor. Rather than enjoying deep and
meaningful relationships, I’d become thin, listless butter.
Hence, the appointment with the Sharpie for some lifestyle examen.
I filled that card with every commitment I’ve got, every
person I’m trying to care for and encourage, every task or
person I feel guilty about not attending to, and every dream
I’m neglecting. I jam packed every centimeter of that poor
little card. And then I sighed.
And then I prayed.
“Lord, help me,” I prayed. “Help me get a grip. Help me get a
grip, first, on my outrageously huge view of myself. (I am
not Atlas—nor do I want to be!) Then help me see your
vision for my life and grasp onto it.
“Then Lord, help me loosen my grip on all those other things
I’m holding on to and trying to do but just . . . well, just
can’t.”
And after some prayer and after some silent staring and
after quite a bit of inner wrestling with self-imposed guilt,
I put that Sharpie to work.
I crossed several commitments and goals off that list.
(That wasn’t so hard.)
But then I literally crossed several people off that list.
(That was hard. It felt very . . . mean.)
But that blacked, blotchy, barely legible card became a
target for me. A clear, defined target to focus on that freed
me to obey and follow God’s leading rather than chasing
after all my own notions of what it means to serve him and
live life.
So if I crossed you off my list, I’m
sorry. You’ll never know you got crossed out because I’ll still be
kind and I’ll still enjoy being with you and I’ll still meet you
for coffee if you ask.
But I’m called by God to invest my energies elsewhere.
And if that’s fine with him, it’s fine with me.
Kelli B. Trujillo's newest book is Faith-Filled Moments: Helping Kids
See God in Everyday Life (Wesleyan). She blogs at www.kellitrujillo.com.
Prepare
In terms of your goals, commitments, and relationships,
are you aiming for too many targets? Are there things you
need to cross off your “list” in order to live a more healthy,
balanced (and sane!) life? Muster up the courage to write
them here in the comments or down on a piece of paper at home. Pray
about this list, ask God for His direction.
may be the best thing for you.
By Kelli B. Trujillo
No offense, but I’m crossing your name off my list
with a big black Sharpie.
I’m not crossing you out of my life—just off my list.
It’s not crossing you off because you’re unimportant
or because I don’t care or because I don’t think
you’re cool.
Blackening your name off isn’t easy for me,
but I’ve got to do it.
It’s not you; it’s me.
And I’m not superwoman.
Sorry, but I’ve got to do this . . .
Blackening your name off isn’t easy for me,
but I’ve got to do it.
It’s not you; it’s me.
And I’m not superwoman.
Sorry,but I’ve got to do this...
Screech . . . (Sound of Sharpie on paper.)
This one-sided dialogue was repeated in various forms in my
mind throughout a revolutionary hour I spent with a blue
index card, a pencil, and a big, bad, black Sharpie.
Before that hour, my life looked a bit like this . . .
There were the various groups I was already a part of: a book
club, a ministry group, a home group, a Sunday-school-class
group, and a few various committees peppered in here and
there. Then there were the groups I felt interested in joining
or guilty about not participating in or somewhat pressured to
be a part of: Wednesday morning women’s Bible study, a
mentoring program at church, three more committees and
ministry groups at church, and various parent volunteer
groups at my kids’ schools.
There were also all sorts of various relationships I was trying
to maintain: “outreach” relationships with neighbors,
relatives, friends, international students, and a regular
Jehovah’s Witness door-to-door visitor. Then of course there
were the close friends who live far away in Portland and
Boulder and Istanbul and Grand Rapids and Chicago. Then
there were the Christian friends who are close by, from my
present church, from my old church, from MOPS, from book
club, from here, there, and everywhere. Then of course my
family: my husband, my son, my daughter, my sister, my
brother, my sisters- and brothers-in-law, my nieces, my
parents, my parents-in-law, my aunts and uncles, and my
fabulous 17-year-old cousin. Oh, and there were the people
I’m trying to invest in and encourage, like the newlywed
couple we go on double-dates with, the single mom I’m
encouraging, the new Christian I studied the Bible with at
Starbucks on occasional Friday mornings, the mom-friends
who I swapped parenting advice with and . . . well, trust me,
I could go on and on.
And along with groups and relationships, there were
spiritual growth habits, exercise goals, personal aspirations,
various other neglected hobbies, work commitments, and
household tasks. I felt like Bilbo Baggins when he told
Gandalf, “I feel . . . thin. Sort of stretched, like . . . butter
scraped over too much bread.”
Ignatius of Loyola outlined the spiritual practice of examen or
“examination of conscience” in his Spiritual Exercises written
in 1522-1524. In essence, examen is the habit of help, on your
thoughts and actions during a given period of time and considering
how your life matches up with what God desires for you. Christians
from various traditions throughout the centuries have practiced the
habit of examen in various forms, from formal Ignatian prayers to
John Wesley’s brutal accountability questions to simple private
reflection on the life-giving and death-dealing moments of one’s day.
(You can read John Wesley’s accountability questions in “Do You
Desire to be Told Your Faults?” from www.ChristianityToday.com and
you can also find Ignatius’ description of examen here. )
I knew I needed to assess more than one day. I needed to
look with God at my pattern of living over weeks and
months and years. I knew that rather than living with
purpose, I was aiming for hundreds of targets and missing
most of them. Rather than living richly, I was left spiritually
and emotionally poor. Rather than enjoying deep and
meaningful relationships, I’d become thin, listless butter.
Hence, the appointment with the Sharpie for some lifestyle examen.
I filled that card with every commitment I’ve got, every
person I’m trying to care for and encourage, every task or
person I feel guilty about not attending to, and every dream
I’m neglecting. I jam packed every centimeter of that poor
little card. And then I sighed.
And then I prayed.
“Lord, help me,” I prayed. “Help me get a grip. Help me get a
grip, first, on my outrageously huge view of myself. (I am
not Atlas—nor do I want to be!) Then help me see your
vision for my life and grasp onto it.
“Then Lord, help me loosen my grip on all those other things
I’m holding on to and trying to do but just . . . well, just
can’t.”
And after some prayer and after some silent staring and
after quite a bit of inner wrestling with self-imposed guilt,
I put that Sharpie to work.
I crossed several commitments and goals off that list.
(That wasn’t so hard.)
But then I literally crossed several people off that list.
(That was hard. It felt very . . . mean.)
But that blacked, blotchy, barely legible card became a
target for me. A clear, defined target to focus on that freed
me to obey and follow God’s leading rather than chasing
after all my own notions of what it means to serve him and
live life.
So if I crossed you off my list, I’m
sorry. You’ll never know you got crossed out because I’ll still be
kind and I’ll still enjoy being with you and I’ll still meet you
for coffee if you ask.
But I’m called by God to invest my energies elsewhere.
And if that’s fine with him, it’s fine with me.
Kelli B. Trujillo's newest book is Faith-Filled Moments: Helping Kids
See God in Everyday Life (Wesleyan). She blogs at www.kellitrujillo.com.
Prepare
In terms of your goals, commitments, and relationships,
are you aiming for too many targets? Are there things you
need to cross off your “list” in order to live a more healthy,
balanced (and sane!) life? Muster up the courage to write
them here in the comments or down on a piece of paper at home. Pray
about this list, ask God for His direction.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Multi-tasking Mayhem
This was sent to me by Julie Stedman today. It fits perfectly with our topic this week of busyness and making time for God. I hope you enjoy it and are challenged by it!
It is taken from Proverbs 31 Ministries' daily email, written by Karen Ehman.
"But I trust in you, O LORD; I say, 'You are my God.' My times are in your hands; deliver me from my enemies and from those who pursue me." Psalm 31:14-15 (NIV)
"Mom, quick…look at that lady!" My fourteen-year-old-in-driver's-education-child shouted at me as we were headed down Michigan's US-27 interstate on an errand-running Thursday afternoon. "She should not be doing that," he added for emphasis.
I glanced over at the car next to us, expecting to see someone without her hands gripped properly at the ten and two o'clock positions like my by-the-rulebook-boy does when he is behind the wheel. Instead, I nearly ran off the road while gawking at what my resident Driver's Ed patrolman had spotted.
Next to us was a woman who was doing all of the following: talking on a cell phone by cradling it on her right shoulder, holding an open fast-food salad container in her left hand, ripping open a salad dressing packet with her teeth and her right hand…all while steering her car with her knees! What in the world!? My boys and I thought surely, if she kept up this multi-tasking method of driving, she was going to cause a crash.
"I would NEVER attempt to do all of that when I drive", I smugly thought to myself. "Entirely too dangerous and probably against the law." Yep, when it comes to being a safe-driving etiquette expert, the apple doesn't fall far from the "Honey-you-didn't-use-your-blinker-back-there" maternal tree.
It wasn't until later that night that it hit me. Yes, I may not try to dangerously multi-task when it comes to driving my car, thereby putting myself and others at risk of a collision. But in my day-to-day life? In my schedule? In my "sure-I-can-take-on-one-more-responsibility-so-everyone-will-like-me" way? Well, I sometimes dangerously multi-task to the point where I too am headed for a crash.
God nudged my heart a few years back, after dealing with some stress-related medical conditions that would not go away, that I needed to do a major plate scraping in my life. Taking on too many responsibilities, no matter how "good" they may be, can often render women ineffective for service to God. He knows our limits. He understands are capacities. He is willing, if we will ask Him, to help us navigate the waters of busyness and activity that often drown many a woman.
On one of my so-busy-I-couldn't-breathe days, I read today's verse. While I'm sure that the author David was talking about actual physical enemies -- men who could chase you, catch you and ultimately hurt you – I thought that day of busyness as the enemy. Too many activities and responsibilities outside of my four walls were abou t to do me in. They chased me, they cornered me and worst of all, they were about to go in for the kill.
Thankfully, God rescued me from the barren life of busyness. And He can do the same for you. He's longing for us to hold our too-full plates up to Him, scrape off all the activities and responsibilities, and then, place back on our plates only the items HE longs for us to possess.
Then, we can create white space in our calendar and places of sweet respite in our days where we can connect with the God of the universe who is just waiting for us to slow down and sit still; to listen and learn from the very Creator of time itself.
So, how about it friend? Rubber spatula ready? Keep reading below and let's start scraping before we crash and burn!
Dear Lord, Forgive me for allowing busyness to overtake my life, crowding out others and worst of all You. Help me as I purpose to place only those items on my plate that You long for me to have. In Jesus ' Name, Amen.
Application Steps:
List on paper all the commitments you have said yes to outside of your job or home responsibilities. Catalog approximately how much time you devote to them each week. Pray about what you discover.
Power Verses:
Matthew 6:33-34, "But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." (ESV)
Genesis 2:2, "And on the seventh day God finished his work that he had done, and he rested on the seventh day from all his work that he had done." (ESV)
Reflections: (post your comment on these questions...I know you can do it!)
What activities and responsibilities have I said "Yes" to that I know in my heart I shouldn't have?
How can I thin out my optional tasks and duties, freeing up more time for the places where God wants me to focus my efforts?
It is taken from Proverbs 31 Ministries' daily email, written by Karen Ehman.
"But I trust in you, O LORD; I say, 'You are my God.' My times are in your hands; deliver me from my enemies and from those who pursue me." Psalm 31:14-15 (NIV)
"Mom, quick…look at that lady!" My fourteen-year-old-in-driver's-education-child shouted at me as we were headed down Michigan's US-27 interstate on an errand-running Thursday afternoon. "She should not be doing that," he added for emphasis.
I glanced over at the car next to us, expecting to see someone without her hands gripped properly at the ten and two o'clock positions like my by-the-rulebook-boy does when he is behind the wheel. Instead, I nearly ran off the road while gawking at what my resident Driver's Ed patrolman had spotted.
Next to us was a woman who was doing all of the following: talking on a cell phone by cradling it on her right shoulder, holding an open fast-food salad container in her left hand, ripping open a salad dressing packet with her teeth and her right hand…all while steering her car with her knees! What in the world!? My boys and I thought surely, if she kept up this multi-tasking method of driving, she was going to cause a crash.
"I would NEVER attempt to do all of that when I drive", I smugly thought to myself. "Entirely too dangerous and probably against the law." Yep, when it comes to being a safe-driving etiquette expert, the apple doesn't fall far from the "Honey-you-didn't-use-your-blinker-back-there" maternal tree.
It wasn't until later that night that it hit me. Yes, I may not try to dangerously multi-task when it comes to driving my car, thereby putting myself and others at risk of a collision. But in my day-to-day life? In my schedule? In my "sure-I-can-take-on-one-more-responsibility-so-everyone-will-like-me" way? Well, I sometimes dangerously multi-task to the point where I too am headed for a crash.
God nudged my heart a few years back, after dealing with some stress-related medical conditions that would not go away, that I needed to do a major plate scraping in my life. Taking on too many responsibilities, no matter how "good" they may be, can often render women ineffective for service to God. He knows our limits. He understands are capacities. He is willing, if we will ask Him, to help us navigate the waters of busyness and activity that often drown many a woman.
On one of my so-busy-I-couldn't-breathe days, I read today's verse. While I'm sure that the author David was talking about actual physical enemies -- men who could chase you, catch you and ultimately hurt you – I thought that day of busyness as the enemy. Too many activities and responsibilities outside of my four walls were abou t to do me in. They chased me, they cornered me and worst of all, they were about to go in for the kill.
Thankfully, God rescued me from the barren life of busyness. And He can do the same for you. He's longing for us to hold our too-full plates up to Him, scrape off all the activities and responsibilities, and then, place back on our plates only the items HE longs for us to possess.
Then, we can create white space in our calendar and places of sweet respite in our days where we can connect with the God of the universe who is just waiting for us to slow down and sit still; to listen and learn from the very Creator of time itself.
So, how about it friend? Rubber spatula ready? Keep reading below and let's start scraping before we crash and burn!
Dear Lord, Forgive me for allowing busyness to overtake my life, crowding out others and worst of all You. Help me as I purpose to place only those items on my plate that You long for me to have. In Jesus ' Name, Amen.
Application Steps:
List on paper all the commitments you have said yes to outside of your job or home responsibilities. Catalog approximately how much time you devote to them each week. Pray about what you discover.
Power Verses:
Matthew 6:33-34, "But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." (ESV)
Genesis 2:2, "And on the seventh day God finished his work that he had done, and he rested on the seventh day from all his work that he had done." (ESV)
Reflections: (post your comment on these questions...I know you can do it!)
What activities and responsibilities have I said "Yes" to that I know in my heart I shouldn't have?
How can I thin out my optional tasks and duties, freeing up more time for the places where God wants me to focus my efforts?
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Busyness
"Yet the news about him spread all the more, so that crowds of people came to hear him and to be healed of their sicknesses. But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed." Luke 5:15-16
My TNIV Bible has application inserts scattered throughout. This one grabbed my attention recently. It follows the scripture above.
" Jesus knew the pressure of a packed schedule. Crowds of people clamored for his attention. The Pharisees continually attacked him. Teaching his followers required a huge investment of his time. Yet he never let his schedule rule over him. He knew the mission God had given him and he didn't allow others' demands dictate how he spent his time. He was never too busy to focus on what was most important - including time alone with his Father. If you're too busy to spend time with God, then perhaps you're too busy."
Ouch. Does that hit any of you "where it hurts" like it does me? Even if our commitments are good ones, or necessary ones, like taking care of our children, homes, etc. they can take us away from having time with Him. Jesus wants our first fruits but often gets our last fruits, our left overs. Even if a quiet time isn't possible in your schedule today, how can you show him that you love Him today?
My TNIV Bible has application inserts scattered throughout. This one grabbed my attention recently. It follows the scripture above.
" Jesus knew the pressure of a packed schedule. Crowds of people clamored for his attention. The Pharisees continually attacked him. Teaching his followers required a huge investment of his time. Yet he never let his schedule rule over him. He knew the mission God had given him and he didn't allow others' demands dictate how he spent his time. He was never too busy to focus on what was most important - including time alone with his Father. If you're too busy to spend time with God, then perhaps you're too busy."
Ouch. Does that hit any of you "where it hurts" like it does me? Even if our commitments are good ones, or necessary ones, like taking care of our children, homes, etc. they can take us away from having time with Him. Jesus wants our first fruits but often gets our last fruits, our left overs. Even if a quiet time isn't possible in your schedule today, how can you show him that you love Him today?
Monday, January 25, 2010
5 Goals Worth Striving For
By Susan Alexander Yates
I’ve felt this way many times. But I’ve also learned to
reassess the way I’ve been living—and the way I want to live.
Here are five things to do any time of the year:
1. To reach someone who doesn’t know Christ
Perhaps like me, you’re tempted to spend all your time with
fellow Christians—people just like you. Yet at the same time,
God commands us to be salt and light in the world (Matthew
5:13–16); that won’t happen if we spend all our time with
believers.
For example, my friend Sandy took an active interest in a
neighbor named Carol. Sandy invited Carol over for lunch
and took her to a craft show. Although Carol and her husband
didn’t have children, Sandy included her in things she did
with her kids. Carol and her husband weren’t believers
and didn’t attend church, but out of curiosity, they soon
began attending with their new friends. After a period of
time, both Carol and her husband became believers. It all
began because Sandy was intent on reaching out in genuine
friendship to non-believers.
This year, resolve to befriend someone who’s not a
Christian. She may be a coworker, neighbor, your child’s
teacher, even your hair stylist. While reaching out feels
scary, when you take the risk, you’ll see God work through
you in exciting ways!
2. To become a grateful person
I used to wake up in the morning thinking about all the
things I had to do and all the people who needed me. I got
depressed before I even got out of bed! I realized I needed an
attitude adjustment. So I started meditating on one of God’s
character traits the moment I awoke. As I lay quietly in my
bed, thinking about how awesome God is, my perspective on
the day changed dramatically!
No one enjoys being around whining kids. But when
they’re grateful, it’s delightful. In the same way, when we
appreciate God, it thrills his heart. My friend Elaine says,
“The practice of thanksgiving is the discipline that helps
us experience God’s love.” Your disposition permeates the
atmosphere of your home. Do you want to raise positive
kids? Then resolve to become a woman of gratitude. You’ll
have a positive impact on generations to come.
3. To spend more quality time with my spouse
My husband, John, and I used to have a wonderful raspberry
patch. In the early years I carefully tended it, and it
produced prolific crops. Then I got busy with carpools and
commitments, and before I knew it, weeds took over and my
raspberries died out.
A marriage can become like my raspberry patch. We get
busy with kids, career, church, elderly parents, and
volunteer needs. We think, I’ll spend time on my
marriage when life calms down. The problem is, life never does.
Don’t let the weeds of “other important things”—even your
children—choke your marriage. Resolve to nurture it. This
year, ask the question, What can I do to help my husband and
I grow closer together? Begin by making a commitment to a
weekly date together—an evening, a breakfast, an afternoon.
Keep in mind, your children’s sense of security is built on
the knowledge you love them, but it greatly increases when
they know you love their dad. You’re raising future husbands
and wives who need to know a happy marriage takes time.
If they see you nurturing yours, they’ll learn a tremendous
lesson.
4. To say “no” to something!
Okay, we all know there are simply too many demands, too
many choices, and too little time. But part of maturing means
learning to postpone something you’d really like to do now
to another season of life in order to focus on something even
more important. Maybe it’s that career opportunity so you
can have more time with your children, or that outing with
your friends so you’re around when your teens have their
friends at your house. Maybe you need to say “no” to your
kids being in yet another sports team so your family can
have dinner together.
Ask yourself, in 10 years, what will matter most—that you
signed your child up for yet another activity and spent
evenings apart, or said “no” and had family dinners together?
Or that you participated in yet another committee, or said
“no” so you could spend more time with your husband?
5. To pursue Christ with fresh vigor
Do you sometimes feel as though your relationship with
Christ is stale? I sure do. But when that happens, I pray
King David’s prayer, “Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me” (Psalm 51:12).
Resolve to recapture that joy. Vary what you normally do for
your time alone with God. Decide on a new topic for Bible
study. Begin a fresh journal.
If you make some changes but still feel stale, ask God to show
you the reason. Is there sin in your life you’re ignoring? A
wrong relationship, self-pity, jealousy? The writer to the
Hebrews encourages us to “throw off everything that hinders
and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with
perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes
on Jesus” (12:1–2). That’s one resolution you can’t afford to
break!
Prepare
Which of the five goals jumped out at you? Why?
What are some other personal, spiritual, or relational
goals that have been on your mind lately? Please answer in the
comment section below or discuss with your MAP partner.
I’ve felt this way many times. But I’ve also learned to
reassess the way I’ve been living—and the way I want to live.
Here are five things to do any time of the year:
1. To reach someone who doesn’t know Christ
Perhaps like me, you’re tempted to spend all your time with
fellow Christians—people just like you. Yet at the same time,
God commands us to be salt and light in the world (Matthew
5:13–16); that won’t happen if we spend all our time with
believers.
For example, my friend Sandy took an active interest in a
neighbor named Carol. Sandy invited Carol over for lunch
and took her to a craft show. Although Carol and her husband
didn’t have children, Sandy included her in things she did
with her kids. Carol and her husband weren’t believers
and didn’t attend church, but out of curiosity, they soon
began attending with their new friends. After a period of
time, both Carol and her husband became believers. It all
began because Sandy was intent on reaching out in genuine
friendship to non-believers.
This year, resolve to befriend someone who’s not a
Christian. She may be a coworker, neighbor, your child’s
teacher, even your hair stylist. While reaching out feels
scary, when you take the risk, you’ll see God work through
you in exciting ways!
2. To become a grateful person
I used to wake up in the morning thinking about all the
things I had to do and all the people who needed me. I got
depressed before I even got out of bed! I realized I needed an
attitude adjustment. So I started meditating on one of God’s
character traits the moment I awoke. As I lay quietly in my
bed, thinking about how awesome God is, my perspective on
the day changed dramatically!
No one enjoys being around whining kids. But when
they’re grateful, it’s delightful. In the same way, when we
appreciate God, it thrills his heart. My friend Elaine says,
“The practice of thanksgiving is the discipline that helps
us experience God’s love.” Your disposition permeates the
atmosphere of your home. Do you want to raise positive
kids? Then resolve to become a woman of gratitude. You’ll
have a positive impact on generations to come.
3. To spend more quality time with my spouse
My husband, John, and I used to have a wonderful raspberry
patch. In the early years I carefully tended it, and it
produced prolific crops. Then I got busy with carpools and
commitments, and before I knew it, weeds took over and my
raspberries died out.
A marriage can become like my raspberry patch. We get
busy with kids, career, church, elderly parents, and
volunteer needs. We think, I’ll spend time on my
marriage when life calms down. The problem is, life never does.
Don’t let the weeds of “other important things”—even your
children—choke your marriage. Resolve to nurture it. This
year, ask the question, What can I do to help my husband and
I grow closer together? Begin by making a commitment to a
weekly date together—an evening, a breakfast, an afternoon.
Keep in mind, your children’s sense of security is built on
the knowledge you love them, but it greatly increases when
they know you love their dad. You’re raising future husbands
and wives who need to know a happy marriage takes time.
If they see you nurturing yours, they’ll learn a tremendous
lesson.
4. To say “no” to something!
Okay, we all know there are simply too many demands, too
many choices, and too little time. But part of maturing means
learning to postpone something you’d really like to do now
to another season of life in order to focus on something even
more important. Maybe it’s that career opportunity so you
can have more time with your children, or that outing with
your friends so you’re around when your teens have their
friends at your house. Maybe you need to say “no” to your
kids being in yet another sports team so your family can
have dinner together.
Ask yourself, in 10 years, what will matter most—that you
signed your child up for yet another activity and spent
evenings apart, or said “no” and had family dinners together?
Or that you participated in yet another committee, or said
“no” so you could spend more time with your husband?
5. To pursue Christ with fresh vigor
Do you sometimes feel as though your relationship with
Christ is stale? I sure do. But when that happens, I pray
King David’s prayer, “Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me” (Psalm 51:12).
Resolve to recapture that joy. Vary what you normally do for
your time alone with God. Decide on a new topic for Bible
study. Begin a fresh journal.
If you make some changes but still feel stale, ask God to show
you the reason. Is there sin in your life you’re ignoring? A
wrong relationship, self-pity, jealousy? The writer to the
Hebrews encourages us to “throw off everything that hinders
and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with
perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes
on Jesus” (12:1–2). That’s one resolution you can’t afford to
break!
Prepare
Which of the five goals jumped out at you? Why?
What are some other personal, spiritual, or relational
goals that have been on your mind lately? Please answer in the
comment section below or discuss with your MAP partner.
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