A Work in Progress

I was finally able to get my husband to finish a project, but I wasn't as pleased as I thought I'd be.
by Mandy Houk

They mocked me for months. Every morning when I raised the blinds and looked out the window, I saw them. It was almost like they were winking: one Adirondack chair was a deep brick red; the other was white. White primer, to be exact.

We had not run out of red paint. My husband, Pete, had simply run out of daylight on the day he'd planned to paint both. And there they sat, still waiting for Pete to find another day to finish the job.

After 16 years of marriage, I know I shouldn't harp on unfinished household projects, even on those sunny Saturdays when he's playing video games or watching college football. I've heard enough sermons on marriage to know that nagging from me, though it might get the job done, also discourages and alienates my husband. I'd rather have mismatched chairs than a discouraged husband.

Or would I?

As much as I might resolve to leave the man in peace, my resolve has an expiration date. Ultimately, the day comes when I can't (won't) take it anymore. This tends to coincide with an upcoming visit from an out-of-town guest. Or a potluck dinner at our house. Or anything that involves someone from the outside coming inside our house where they might witness the evidence of our … gasp! … imperfections.

And that day finally arrived for the chairs.

So I exploded. I whined. I scolded. It wasn't pretty.

Pete took it silently. And when I'd exhausted my venom, he disappeared outside. After a while, I looked out the window to see where he'd gone. He was kneeling by that one white chair, slowly turning it red.

Looking at My Own Stuff
There's no real joy in the fact that the chairs match now. In fact, when we had our family photos taken in the middle of the mismatched era, the photographer was thrilled at the contrast and used it to great effect in our portraits.

Truth be told, those chairs still mock me. Because now, when I open the blinds and see their lovely, homogenous red-ness, what I really see is my own nastiness. I recall that day of my self-righteous explosion.

How easy it is for me to take note of all that Pete leaves undone. But what about everything that I leave undone? How many times have my daughters had a no-panties crisis in the morning because I failed to get their laundry done when I'd planned? How many years have I been working on that Christmas cross-stitch that's gathering dust in my sewing basket? (Hint: enough years that there's a rust stain from the needle that's neatly slipped through a couple of holes, as if I'll get right back to it in a minute.) And what about my growing dresser-dust collection?

If you'll indulge my adjustments, Matthew 7:3–5 goes something like this: "Why do you look at the unpainted chair in your husband's eye and pay no attention to the dusty dresser in your own eye? How can you say to him, 'Get your fanny out there and paint that!' when all the time there is a mountain of laundry in your hamper? You hypocrite! Get your own chores done, and then you can help him with his!"

What it comes down to, ultimately, is mercy. I can grit my teeth in self-powered "resolve" all I want, but it can't last. Because it's me-powered. Not until I fully absorb the astonishing volume of mercy that God has shown to me—and that Pete shows to me as well—will I be able to release the expectations that lead to my nagging in the first place.

When I catch myself starting to stare and squint at some unfinished project of Pete's, I let my eyes shift over to an unfinished project of my own. A project that my merciful husband has never once mentioned. That shuts me up pretty quick.

When I take note that he's playing video games, I also take note of our youngest daughter. She's sitting on the sofa beside him having a fabulous time with her daddy. And when he's watching football, I do something really radical. I remind myself that I happen to like football too. I grab some snacks and plop down at his side (where I'm careful not to talk during a long drive—but that's another article).

Finally, when he does get going on a long-awaited project—like adjusting the basketball hoop to a manageable height for our daughters—I don't sigh to myself and think, It's about time! I go out and help him. Inevitably, because neither of us is a descendant of Mr. Fixit, something goes wrong. After we've finished laughing about it, we figure out the solution together.

That beats staring out the window at chairs any day.

Prepare
Ok, perhaps this hits me harder than some of you because my love language is acts of service...so yeah, ouch is all I can say. I am very guilty of missing opportunities to just be with Tom because I'm too busy trying to get him to help me with a project, help me with the girls, help me, help me, help me...
How about you? Does this article speak to you? Does God care about our "to-do" list or our relationships? Where should our focus be?

Surrender

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Matthew 11:28-30

Surrendering all to Christ. This is a word that keeps popping up in my life. It's an incredibly hard concept for me. I'm going to share a passage from my reading this morning in a study of the book of Ruth, by Kelly Minter.

"This place of surrender is the most freeing of places to be and the hardest to get to. Some of us have been working, toiling, and struggling - we've done all we can do and now it's time to cease striving and lie down at the feet of Jesus. I'm not sure what plagues you, what you're carrying, or what fears loom in your life. But I want you to picture leaving those things behind...I'm not sure there is any more important move in our life with Christ than our total surrender to Him. Yes, this can be scary. Yes, it can be costly. But ... eternal blessings of submission to Jesus are unparalleled. What He can do with a willing life surrendered at His feet is more than we can comprehend. I just know I don't want to miss it for whatever I'm clutching in my hands."

Prepare
What keeps you from total surrender to Jesus today?

People Pleasing

I'm going to share an excerpt from Rob Bell's book, Velvet Elvis:

"Your job is the relentless pursuit of who God has made you to be. And anything else you do is sin and you need to repent of it.

The relentless pursuit of who God made me to be.

I started identifying how much of my life was about making sure the right people were pleased with me. And as this became more and more clear, I realized how less and less pleased I was with myself.What happens is our lives become so heavily oriented around the expectations of others that we become more and more like them and less and less like ourselves. We become split. . .

I had this person I knew I was made to be, yet it was mixed in with all of these other . . . people. As the lights were turned on, I saw I had all of this guilt and shame because I wasn't measuring up to the image of the perfect person I had in my head."

This passage jumped out at me yesterday as I was reading. Now, I am going to say that this book is a tough one for me. It's very challenging and pretty uncomfortable. I'm not sure I agree with all that is said in it. I'm not even sure I agree with the entire excerpt here...but some of it really hits me in a "wake up and pay attention" kind of way.

I think as women, we are especially predisposed to wanting to please others. We spend a lot of time and energy trying to please many, many people...but sometimes we don't consider if we are pleasing God in the process. The things we are doing for others may be really good things too like being involved in ministries, signing up for PTO, running car pool...people are going to "pleased" with you for helping out..at least initially. But is God pleased? Is that his plan for you right now?

And, what happens when a little while into "helping" someone or some ministry, there are bumps in the road? If you're not doing it with God's direction, but to please people, and the people aren't even happy with you...then what? That hurts. If we're subconsciously doing it to receive self-worth...we end up feeling pretty empty.

I have been resolving to commit my decisions to Him, and I have felt Him nudging me to "take a sharpie to my list." I have been dragging my heels, kicking and screaming in my head...why? Because I don't want to let anyone down. But, guess what? If I'm not doing it in His strength I'm going to let people down. It happened this week. It was painful to me. My busy schedule and distracted day resulted in me totally forgetting a commitment I had made with someone. I feel terrible about this. But, you know what? It's been a wake up call for me, too. I AM going to "take a sharpie to my list" this weekend. I'm going to surrender my schedule to God and let Him direct my people pleasing ways.

Prepare
Who are you trying to please today? What is on your calendar for today . . . is it God's agenda or yours?

Worldviews and Children

by Marc A. Fey

James Sire, author of The Universe Next Door, tells a story that influenced the way I looked at the world. The story goes something like this:

A boy came home one day and asked his father, "What holds up the world, Dad?"

The father answered with a storybook reply, "A camel holds up the world, son."

But the next day the boy was back. "Dad, if a camel holds up the world, what holds up the camel?" The father answered quickly, "A kangaroo."

Soon, the son returned. "Dad, what holds up the kangaroo?" Knowing he was now in trouble, the father said emphatically, "An elephant!"

"Come on, Dad, what holds up the elephant?"

Exasperated, the father blurted, "It's . . . it's elephant — all the way down!"

Besides illustrating that kids ask the toughest questions, the story shows that when a parent doesn't answer thoughtfully or replies flippantly, it doesn't eliminate a child's curiosity. Tough questions shouldn't be avoided. In fact, they offer some of the best opportunities to teach a Christian worldview.

Del Tackett, president of the Focus Leadership Institute, describes a worldview as "the framework from which we view reality and make sense of life and the world." The best tool we can give our children is to teach them how to accurately make sense of life.

Questions about life lead to teachable moments. Here are three ways you can teach your kids a Christian worldview so they interpret life by what is true — not what is trendy, easy or false.

1. What is really real?

When philosophies of the world compete with biblical truth, ask: "Is that really real?" When we are watching TV as a family and something comes on the screen that contradicts our Christian worldview, I might ask, "What are they really selling you?" The answer is often something like, "They want me to think that new car will make me cool." Bull's-eye! From here, we can talk about whether a car makes someone cool or if coolness is even important to God.

Our kids want — and need — to know what's really real. As Christians, we know that God's Word is what defines truth, not personal experience.

The truth? God is the ultimate reality, and the way we learn about that reality is from His Word — not our feelings, popular culture or peers.

2. What's the point of trials and difficulties?

Your child's worst days can be the best times to teach a Christian worldview. When my 14-year-old didn't make the basketball team, he struggled with disappointment, so we talked about whether God knew what was going to happen. My son was surprised when he realized God knew but allowed the circumstances anyway.

The even harder question was raised about our friend's son who died of cancer. This tragedy led to discussions about the reality that, without God, man doesn't have the resources needed to get through the difficult events in life.

The truth? Man, who is fallen, needs God.

3. What's the challenge for both parent and child?

A Christian worldview is about thinking rightly so we can have a strong relationship with God. In this way, loving God means thinking as a Christian and embracing the Bible's teachings. When my kids see that thinking about Truth is the first step in the process of living the Truth, they look differently at God’s Word.

The truth? The evidence of a Christian worldview is the life of a person who has a close relationship with Jesus Christ.

So, don't dodge your kids' hard questions. We need to build our lives on what can’t be shaken: God's Truth — all the way down.

Jesus Storybook Bible

Julie mentioned this book in MOPS on Friday. We have it, too, and it is wonderful. Amy Johnson tripped upon this blog entry on Friday about the very same book...serendipitous timing? Read her review and endorsement. You may want to pick one up for Easter this year! Enjoy!
http://www.sarahmarkley.com/2010/03/the-jesus-storybook-bible/

Making the Bible Fun

How to reach children ages 0-3 with God's Word
by Lynne M. Thompson

It was Bible Time, which meant my children were curled up on the couch with their blankies, ready for naptime. I read to them the story about Noah, and when I came to the part about loading up the animals, I paused. "Don't you wonder what it would be like to float in a boat with all those animals," I asked. My sleepyheads shrugged. Grinning, I pulled the cushions off the couch and shouted "Let's go get all of our stuffed animals and find out!" Cheers followed my suggestion and before we knew it, we were floating in our living room with creatures great and small.

Play
Toddlers love to play, so incorporating imagination and excitement into your Bible time helps little ones develop a desire to learn. You'll first want to purchase an age-appropriate Bible, beginning with a toddler version and progressing toward a children's study Bible. Be sure to add a full dose of fun into your Bible reading. This might mean using action figures to reenact the story of David and Goliath, or clanging homemade musical instruments to one of the Psalms. I always enjoyed reading the "take-home" stories from their Sunday school classes, changing the names of the main characters to my own children's names to keep interest.

Learn
Although parents might wonder how much understanding occurs at this age, a new study at Indiana University has discovered that children may comprehend words sooner than previously suspected. Cognitive science experts Linda Smith and Chen Yu have reported that kids ages 12-14 months may be using a technique labeled "data mining" to acquire language. This is where "the human brain accumulates large amounts of data minute-by-minute, day-by-day, and handles this data processing automatically." It then sorts "through massive amounts of raw data to find relationships, correlations, and ultimately useful information." This "system" approach to language learning would explain the ease with which 2- and 3-year-olds can learn one word at a time.

I started teaching my children memory verses at a young age by using body movements. For instance, when reciting "In the beginning God created the heavens" I would stand on my toes and reach my arms up high, and for "and the earth" I would squat down and touch the floor. Later, when my children could speak, I would repeat the verse, but leave out key words for them to fill in.

Do
Teaching your child the Bible also involves what you do outside the home with your little ones. My children and I took a trip every Thursday to the nearby retirement home, where we handed out flowers to each of the residents. One day when my mom was taking a blooming plant to grandma at the hospital, to her surprise, my son began plucking off the flowers and handing them to the patients in the hallway. To him, it was just an opportunity to show kindness, just like the Good Samaritan did in the Bible.

More Fun Ideas:

•Rock your child to sleep at night singing praise songs and hymns.
•Dress up as Bible characters.
•Invite other children over for a Bible story time with treats afterwards.
•Turn up the music and dance to specially recorded toddler songs like Psalty's Songs for Li'l Praisers or Bob and Larry Sing the 70's.
•Deliver handmade cards to church shut-ins.

Passing It On

adapted from an article by Lisa Whelchel

Since the time my kids were toddlers,I’ve incorporated
“read your Bible” time into their daily routine, somewhere
between “brush your teeth” and “make your bed.” When they
were tiny, we used a simple picture Bible. As they’ve grown,
they’ve enjoyed our reading out of The Message, The Living
Bible, and The New Living Translation together. These
paraphrases and translations bring the stories to life and
the truths to heart.

The amount of reading we’ve recommended has varied depending
on their age. . . We’ve also purchased children’s devotions that
make thinking deeper about the Scriptures fun. . .

Of course, when it comes to shaping and molding, nothing’s as
effective as “modeling” clay. Make sure your son or daughter
catches you having your personal quiet time with the Lord.

"Train a child in the way he should go,
and when he is old he will not turn from it." Proverbs 22:6

Prepare
How are you building a spiritual foundation in the lives of your children? Share your ideas here!

Be blessed by this song!

Listen and believe in the awesome God we serve!

God's timing

"He has made everything beautiful in it's time." Eccl. 3:11

Yeah, it's almost spring! Just flipping the calendar to March fills me with anticipation of green grass, yellow daffodils, purple crocuses. Sometimes in our lives it seems as if we are just waiting for tomorrow...so we miss what God's gifts are for us TODAY. It can be so easy to long for something so much that we become unable to see the beauty in today. Maybe you've been praying for your spouse's salvation, reconciliation with a friend or answers to a tough issue in your life. We often think, why not today, Lord?

"God is consistently, perfectly, always on time. You may be waiting for God to fulfill a promise to you. Don't lose hope; he's on time and always keeps his promises. However, sometimes God's waiting room can be God's training room. Waiting helps you grow into the woman he intends you to be"

God can use today, right now, to mold you to be more like Him...but you need to be available. You need to focus on today, not tomorrow. Look for the beauty out your window, while there's still snow and know that God's promise is that spring WILL come.

Prepare
Can you remember a time that you were waiting on God and how He worked in you life during that waiting time? That is part of your testimony. Share it here!